“No way! Who would have guessed?”

“Yeah! I heard it from Jamie, so it must be true!”  I replied, proud I wasn’t spreading old news. The bell interrupted my thoughts and I quickly hurried down the hall to my class. As I walked, something made me remember the verse I saw as I was doing my devotional that morning. I sighed and closed my eyes, realizing I just did exactly what it warned me against doing. I was doing a section on my biggest struggle- slander…commonly known as gossip. I wasn’t trying to spread rumors or stab anyone in the back or anything. At least I didn’t think I was. I just wanted to know what was up and what was going on. Half the stuff wasn’t even bad about the people being talked about…just some of it. These were a few of the excuses that went through my head, especially after doing this study with my discipleship. I knew it was wrong. The verse the devotional I did for this morning was from Psalm 15:2-3 and 5b which said,

“He whose walk is blameless
and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart

and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellowman,

…He who does these things
will never be shaken.”

“Ok Lord,” I thought to myself, as I slid into my seat at the last minute, “Please help me, because I really need to not do this anymore. I know it is wrong. It is wrong to spread slander about people and to even listen to gossip.

The day went by and soon I found myself kneeling beside my bed to talk to God about the events of the day, like I did every night. I quickly ran through them in my head and started praying, but then stopped in mid prayer. I sighed. Why, why, why!! Geez! I didn’t mean to Lord, it’s just…well…I forgot…ah! I stopped my train of thought, realizing everything was an excuse. After telling Him I wasn’t going to gossip anymore, I had turned around and after that class just continued to hear and say things as much as ever.

            I was ashamed. I couldn’t begin again. I couldn’t talk to my Heavenly Father after I had promised not to fail Him and did…again. I got in bed and picked up my Bible from the night stand. I opened it up to the middle and started reading, looking for any small possible comfort. I landed right on Psalm 34:13. I read, 

“Keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.”

“Well, isn’t that just great!” I muttered, but I knew I needed to hear it. I read it several more times before finally crashing under my heavy eyelids, but not before committing to really trying to stop this bad habit.

I woke up to a sun streaming in my room and immediately pulled out my devotions. I was going to need all the help I could get for this new, fresh day. The verse for today was from 1 Peter 3:16. It said:

“Keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.”

That day at school went by fast and flawless. That morning I had changed my outlook. Instead of just trying hard and failing, I really turned my sin over to God. I asked Him to work through me to overcome my habit. Sure, I had wanted to overcome my sin, but I didn’t really repent and truly want to be rid of it until I asked for forgiveness this morning, until I felt ashamed and remorseful last night. I think it was then finally that my battle had been won, when I surrendered and let God run my life, not me. I knew it wasn’t going to be cured overnight. There were going to be trying moments and tempting situations, but I felt confident about going into them knowing the Holy Spirit was in me. He was the one who was going to work wonders, not me.